At KCE’s July meeting, Erin Brown, a writer, speaker, and body-image activist from Lawrence, KS, shared her personal strategies for overcoming negative self-talk and learning to love oneself. Erin is a fun and inspiring speaker, and the smart ladies of KCE also chimed in with questions, insights, and reading suggestions. Here are the highlights.
Erin’s Story
Erin shared her struggles with body image – from comparing herself to others in her preschool ballet class, through college, when she found herself actively competing with other women to secure her boyfriend’s love and attention.
Gradually, she came to realize that her personal worldview was undermining her own happiness. She discovered that she’d grown up believing she was here to be judged, that “small” equals “good,” and that she should punish herself for not measuring up.
She also realized that she’d always considered herself “a work in progress,” as many of us do. Though she knows this attitude can encourage us to work toward our goals, it also implies we’re never good enough. So she changed her views and now focuses on accepting herself “as is.”
Strategies for Self-Acceptance
Erin shared these tips for achieving, and maintaining, self-acceptance:
Don’t talk badly about yourself, whether aloud or in your head. Not only does it hurt you, it hurts everyone around you. Ever notice how complaining about your own physical “flaws” sucks the energy out of the room? Everyone’s suddenly too busy reassuring you and silently comparing themselves to talk about anything really interesting.
Don’t talk badly about others. Instead, accept that your judgement usually reflects your own insecurity. Then own it. I recently fessed up to my own running insecurity, and here I am, still writing and running. Everything’s ok.
Change your mantras. Instead of looping your favorite personal insult (“I’m too…), learn to say “I’m good enough as is.” Or if that shift is too dramatic, try “I can feel peace about this,” or “Is this in line with my values?”
Taking Time to Care for Ourselves
Making the mental shift from criticizing to accepting ourselves takes time and energy. We women know we should take care of ourselves, but we’re still much better about taking time to care for others. So how can we prioritize making the changes Erin suggests?
One KCE member recommends thinking of “time as your currency.” How do you want to spend it? On being dissatisfied with yourself? Or on making yourself stronger and happier?
Another member suggested reading these life-changing books:
- The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
- Overwhelmed: How to Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time
Keeping things in perspective also helps. As Erin says, “You never hear a man say, ‘I’m going to play a round of golf today so I can be a better husband.’ He just golfs.”
The takeaway? Take the time you need to care for yourself and know that you’re worth it. No excuses and no apologies necessary.
By Meredith Lai